Have you guys had sex yet? I am only asking because I feel like that last time I have seen some of you guys, the only sexual act you ever did with a girl was watch her pick out a bra in the Wal-Mart Ladies Section. I liked the potato chip display, a perfect mix of cover and snacks. The only problem was you had to show up at like 6:00am to get there before Carson Clucas did and normally the only “girl” you saw was Mrs. Baca picking out an extra support brazier that look like it came from failed torture traps created for the movie Saw. Boys will be Boys I guess.
But sex is pretty cool. You get to see someone naked which is always at the very, damn least memorable. And not even the type of naked you see at the YMCA with the old shrivel penises that seem to metaphorically slap you in the face. Which by the way, how the fuck do those men have all of that confidence? I've seen naked men atthe YMCA in their 80’s, walking around the locker room like they are fucking Ryan Gosling. (I, of course mean that they are having intercourse with Ryan Gosling, not that they are Ryan Gosling. I am sure fucking Ryan Gosling would give you a lot of confidence about your penis. He just seems so nice and self-eestem boosting!) Shutting lockers with their penises, trying to talk the News with me, showering just perpetually! They have more confidence than a midget during a limbo tournament (15 seconds to think up that joke- A NEW PERSONAL BEST!) I don’t get why they are doing it. I don’t even think they leave the locker room but instead just treat it as a pseudo nudist colony. But even that doesn’t make sense because instead of experiancing a relaxing nude environment it comes with shared soap and a year-long case of athlete’s foot. Tough Actin Tinactin can’t touch that shit.
Fuck the YMCA. I hate young men Christian clubs. Too many Penises
But sex has nakedness in the cool way with different body parts and cooler looking butt. I think that overall I thoroughly enjoy naked women as well as sex and I won’t pass up many opportunities where I could participate in either. In fact, I would go as far to say that in most situations whereI feel as though I have an opportunity to see a cooler butt and naked woman, I am going to actively pursue it. Hard. But what I don’t get is when people dedicate their lives to sex. Like what? Are you kidding me? I can only think of a very few things that I'd ever dedicate my life too, and one of them is Batman. And a real life Batman is way cooler than any sex I could imagine. Like your penis sneezes in a woman and you are done. It feels nice but it isn’t euphoric. But despite my weird anger, men are constantly going after the hottest woman possible, trying to dick sneeze in cooler and cooler looking body parts.
( I didn't want to make to make a picture for that)
I see men constantly working out every day for hours upon hours a day. Not because it is a healthier life style but because they think it will get them hotter chicks. Don’t get me wrong, having enormous muscles and greasier hair than Jon Travolta's seems to get you some pretty fucking hot women (as I have observed from numerous musicals). But why are you spending your time doing that! There are so many cooler things to learn! Spend your time mastering something other than pushing a heavy bar above your head with some other guys sweaty balls drooling over your mouth. And you expected us to believe that is your "bench parter."
This isn’t even the worst part! Have you ever talked to a hot woman? They are horrible people without a personality. My hot girl co-worker the other day was in the middle of a conversation with another girl and I overheard
“OMG I love the website Cats That Look Like Hitler! I spend seriously like a bagazillion hours a day on it! It’s seriously has become an addiction! NANAHHAHNAHANAHNAHAHHA”
Ewww.
Fucking Gross.
That bubbly bitch, thinks that statement was funny? Classic Hot Girl.
If you are so simple minded that you can spend that much time on Cats that Look Like Hitler, then it shows that you are a dimwit and a dumbass. The internet is amazing! ITS AMAZING! You can now have any answer to any problem you could ever think of. You can communicate with people around the world! You can look at porn from around the world! Like explore the internet, please! There are so many cooler sites
www.brucewillisesthatlooklikepensies.com *See Below for Pictures*
www.disneychannel.com/funzone It’s a fun zone!
I don’t know how these girls have somuch power. I know so many men, like good men too, that work so very hard to sleep with these women. That may be the worst part! You have to work to get these pieces of shit. Most men have to convince these women that they are worth 20 minutes of their nakedness. These people are worthless; everything that comes out of their mouth is somewhat superficial because it doesn’t need to be anything of value. If they say something retarded or untrue, everyone will agree because if you upset this floozy, there are a million other guys that want to sleep with her!
What’s even worse than their personality, is the type of people that she surrounds herself with. There is always that like semi-jewish, red hair, deep raspy voice, 6 foot behemoth that is a bigger cock block than Jesus. She is the one that when you approach immediately yells at you and says something faggy like :
“HEY! WE CAME TOGETHER AND WE ARE LEAVING TOGETHER BUCKO!”
Or
“DRINKING BEFORE YOU GO OUT SAVES MONEY!”
Or
“I HAVE A LARGE BUILD OF CRUSTY POOP AROUND MY ANUS AND NOW I’M PISSED OFF AT YOU!”
So not only do you have to win over this annoying, superficial human being in order to have sex with a girl but you have to avoid a cock block from her friends who are determine to stop you from getting laid. They will start crying all the time because they aren’t as pretty as the hot girl or they have too much crusty poop around their anus, so the chances of getting laid go down even further.
I have no idea what these guys are expecting by having sex with these girls. A life altering pleasure? Enlightenment? A Spot on I Love New York? What they will get is a dick sneeze and get to look at a pretty cool butt. Followed of course by: horrible conversation, the realization you have wasted your time, and then the instant need to give this girl more attention because if you don't she will start scream and show her cool butt to someone else.
What makes even less sense are the women that talk to these hot girls. What do they get out of it? The run off of better men who gave up on these hollow bitches? To seem pretty because they are standing next to a hot girl?
They get even less satisfaction then a dick sneeze, and a lot of girls are guilty of it. I know very few women who don't have at least one hot girl friend they hang out with. At the very least, if you are hanging out with a hot girl at least try to poke her butt! But these women won't even get a Captain Reinhart from the hot girl. I guess it makes them appear to be hotter or sexier because they get to stand next to them, and that probably works to allow them to have more sex. But I have a better idea than ruining your life and hanging out with morons so you can get laid.
Instead of granting these empty vessels attention, ignore these people and eliminate that unneeded parasite from your life. Spend time on valuable people who spend their time on worthwhile things. Look for women whose mind is like a diamond, yet thoughly enjoys poop and fart jokes. They are out there but most people are too blind to see them. Conversation is so much more important than a dick sneeze or Cats That Look like Hitler. Make sure you remember that next time you get a boner or need to feel pretty. Because these people don’t become President or Mozart or Einstein, you know who they become? Those fucking naked men in the YMCA locker room! They don’t know how to do anything else but strut their penis because that's what they have been doing for 30 years of their life. Teach them by ignoring them, and maybe after a while, you won't have a penis staring you in the face while you are trying to pull up your basket ball shorts.
John Kelly
My favorite Bruce Willis photos!
