The Rally to Restore Sanity/ The March to Keep Fear Alive

College Totally Blows

These were my first words when I woke up this Tuesday morning in my bed. It was one of those wake ups where you aren't really that tired but you have 15 more minutes before you absolutely have to leave your bed and you automatically think "why waste it out in the real world right?" So I was yelling at myself to fall asleep and telling myself how much more I would like the day if I had 15 minutes more minutes of sleep but instead of actually sleeping I just lie there and wondered why the Death Star had a trash compactor.*See Below for Details*

I get up 14 minutes later and get my little homosexual shower caddy ( it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it is just the common lingo of my generation) and I go to the communal shower room.

Today, the man in the shower stall next to me asks me if I found his razor. First off, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Where do you get the confidence to ask that question unless you knew the answer, unless like just dropped it and saw it go on my side. I asked him "Did you drop it on my side?" Like a fucking normal person would.

Then he said " I don't know it happened 3 days ago"  and paused and then he continued to describe the razor, telling about how it vibrated and was small and orange. I then, asked him the logical question " Did you leave it in my stall 3 days ago?" He then told me no he was using it by the sinks.

And me being pissed about my lack of 15 minutes of sleep, responded. " Why the hell then would you ask me whether or not I have seen your razor" Because come on, I am naked right now. This is ridiculous, am I the only one that has a problem with this. So far at college a man has dropped his soap on my side and awkwardly grabbed my foot in an attempt to retrieve his soap. A nerd talked to me about battle strategies in Starcraft 2 and how I can employ them into my every day life, including my classes. And a man put his underwear on top of the divider and it fell on to my side and he never claimed ownership of the dirty, now soaking wet underwear. This is my place to be naked and safe, I thought that was understood. I expect a little privacy when I am naked in the shower. Keep your shit out of my shower and understand that this is my me time.

And when I asked him about why the fuck are you asking me about your little vibrating orange razor you lost 3 days ago he just went " SHEESH!!!" As though my comment was out of line for his weirdness.

Sheesh me? No, no, no, my friend Sheesh you!

My day was going horribly, just everyone was treating me awkwardly and I was being mean to them. Even when I held the door open for a midget (I don't know the politically correct term, is it little person? I think it's that) she just glared at me like I was treating her differently by holding the door open. Which was true the only people I held doors open for today were extremely attractive women, but that is just common sense to that.

But then my day turned completely around, I got a call from my ride board.

There is this ride board at NAU and you put where you are going or where you want to go and I put down that I wanted to go to Washington DC for October 30th because that is the day of the Jon Stewart Rally and I really wanted to go. This girl, Nicole, called me and said that she wanted to go to the east coast, just for shits and giggles one weekend. She didnt even hear of the rally, once I told her about it she got excited and decided that it is a must attend event. She told me I needed to get people to come so instead of spending the day wondering about the death star, little people, and attractive women I decided to get on this. In just today, I have gotten Kaushik, Ian, Bryn's Roommate and 3 maybes to go on this expedition. This is actually going to happen and I am so excited and I am not even sure why.

This seems like such a bullshit thing to do but it might be the last time I do one of these things because I am in college and once I am out of here, I am going to have to start acting like an adult. Plus, this is a pretty rare event right? I know Glen Beck did it a month before this but fuck him. Also, we are going on a road trip across the entire country and I feel as though if I am ever going to become a hippie I need to do that (I don't want to be a hippie but its nice to know that I have options)

This completely turned me around on the anger I felt towards college. College is totally tits. Things can happen so quickly here if you just put your mind to it. Like tomorrow I am selling my plasma for money. How cool is that? This is a needed step in becoming a despondent ( I am not saying I want to be a despondent but it is nice to keep my options open)

On another related note, I think I need to reopen my book on random sexual encounters, because this is what I was looking forward to the most about college and has yet to happen. I felt as though I was lied to by American Cinema because of the lack of random sexual encounters I have faced here.But look at it this way, I am giving plasma to go to a bullshit rally in DC for ideologies that dont matter in the slightest. If that isn't a stereotypical college life activity I don't know what is. And it happened because I spent the day working on it like a deliberate man. If that stereotypical random occurrence is possible with perseverance, so can this sexual endeavor. So Tomorrow will be plasma/sexual encounter day just like today was Razor/Rally day.

Life can be the tits if you put your mind to what you want those tits to look like.
-John Kelly

 John Kelly
Live Deliberately

*****Why the Trash Compactor is impractical, inefficient, impossible, and stupid
1. Why do both sides move? I feel as though it would be infinitely more effective if only one side moved and crushed the trash on the other side.

2. Why is it just crushing shit horizontally? it seems as though you would have gigantic room length blocks that are just blasted into space. You could save so much space by crushing it the other ways.

3. How the fuck does Princess Leia know where the trash compactor is and why do all of these vents go here? Does the death star need that many tubes to the trash compactor in that short of a space? And why does she describe that as a safe place to go?

4. Why the hell is their a monster in the trash compactor, does he live there always? If so then it doesn't compact all the way and leaves enough room for a fucking monster to live in, so the characters were never in any real danger. Is it dangerous enough with the trash compacter. This small edition made a terrible non-plausible scene into one of the worst scenes in history.

College Rules

To Whom It May Concern:

The chapter in my life entitled College has begun and I have decided that since I am living in the technological age that a blog should come with the turning of this new page.  I have decided while typing this very sentence that I will make this blog about my current events and present thoughts and will refuse to ever do a vlog or at least until they change that disgusting name. I will not always use proper grammar rules, but that is mainly because I do not know them. I was told as a student that I will just learn them by reading books, I am calling bullshit, and as you can read, it is bullshit.


College is totally tits.

Although my journey up here was lacking a lot of tits. I was so excited when I got into the car about to leave Prescott behind and go up to NAU, but instantly my parents destroyed that mood. My father insisted that I brought all the wrong stuff and that my organization of the car was unsatisfactory. I told him that his face was unsatisfactory. Mary Kelly's terrible humor has began to rub off on me. Then my dad told my mother how to drive to Flagstaff, and he suggested she use I-40 to get there. I corrected from the backseat saying that I-17 was better, faster, and stronger. He acted like I was mentally challenged and insisted that I-40 was the way to go. My mom wanting to please me because I was her last child to go to college, chose my path because it was John's day goddammit (her words not mine).

We arrive at NAU 20 minutes faster than we would have on the I-40 and my father was pissed. He ordered my mother to park in the farthest parking lot away, and gave me a look which told me not to challenge him. So we parked about a mile away from my dorm but I didn't care that much because I was at college and about 5 hours from now I would be a free man (Just for clarification, I was never a slave. I am using this term to express my hatred towards my parents at this moment, and their oppressive attitude towards me).

We arrive in my dorm, Cowden Hall, and I go to the booth entitled "Come here for moving in." I giggled at the sign. I approached the booth and offered my name and my student id. The woman then handed me a key and said "Welcome to Cowden! Can I have a MOO!?!?!"

 I looked at her as though she were insane and barked out a "What?" (I said this condescendingly and not in a I didn't hear you way)

She looked at me frightened and said less confidently just in case I hadn't heard her " can I have a moo?"

"What!!" I replied so much more confidently this time.

"Can I have a moo?" This was her last time repeating this statement that she is forced to say.

"Absolutely Not"I replied indignantly I am not mooing for anyone anymore, this is fucking college. My mooing days are far over.

I walked up to my dorm on the 2nd floor and my found my room 249. My roommate had already moved in but wasn't there at the present moment. I stayed in here and smiled for a brief second until I realized that the car was a mile away and I had a lot of stuff to bring up to the 2nd floor.

I went down stairs and I saw that people had gigantic blue crates that had wheels and nice handles to put all their stuff into. I saw a blue crate unattended and empty and I stole it. If you are the owner of that blue crate and are reading this I am sorry, but I was desperate and tired and had not very helpful parents.

I push the blue crate to the truck and load it myself with my parents picking up objects and setting them down in the same place to give the appearance of help. I noticed their lack of help. I pushed the blue crate and my bike down, down the big street causing a clusterfuck of traffic. It was my parents and my apathy that caused that, not me as a person.

I moved all my shit into my room and returned the blue crate to the bottom of the stairs. I returned to my dad cursing about the amount of stuff I brought and how carelessly I put it about my room. I started unpacking and asked my mom to make my bed. My father continued to sit there and I asked him if he could put my clothes in the drawers and put the shirts with the shirts and the pants with the pants. I told him I did not care about the order just that it had some sort of system. My father told me that he isn't very good at this sort of thing and I told him just to try it out, maybe he would surprise himself. He then proceeded to just grab handfuls of clothes and shove them in random drawers. I told him to "STOP STOP STOP FUCKING SHIT STOP." He stopped and then went outside and sat down, ending his contribution to the move in process.

I moved in with little to no help but I am now a college student and thats all that matters.

I am loving it here. I met a kid named Rhoads. I am not even kidding you his name is RHOADS. He is my new best friend, for that and other facts. I miss my friends and its weird when ever I heard the song "There will never be another you" I think of like 5 people. I think that's ironic but those 5 people were extremely unique and the song applies to all of them.

I will have other stories at different times


Live Deliberately
John Kelly